Lord Buckethead is a warlock I'm playing. This is a log of his adventures.
Formerly Jon Harvey, Jon was the rightful heir to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. As Jon was being groomed to take his rightful crown, the peasants found an arcane law in their governing charter and invoked the clause "Brexit". This effectively separated the UK from their previously close neighbors politically. It also left Jon and his family with little support from the populace. With a looming coup d'état the Harvey family decided to flee and regroup, ready to reclaim their rightful crown in the future.
The trip was a difficult and tolling one on the family, and their lavish lifestyle began to falter. They decided to seek help from their gods, and prepared the time honored ritual for reaching out in a time of need. During the preparations further misfortune fell upon the Harvey family as a passionate cleric of another faith passed by. Upon realizing the differences in their religions, the cleric struck out and killed Jon's father in a single blow. Jon was shocked and stumbled back as his family was murdered in front of his eyes, with Jon's ultimate survival coming from his shocked disbelief having him faint in the brush, unseen by this attacker.
When Jon came to, the scene was unbearable. At the beginning of this year Jon and his family had the world ahead of them. Now Jon has nothing. Everything he knew and loved is now lost. After this realization Jon stood in the bloody clearing for a few more moments, then proclaimed to the sky "FUCK YOU 2016!"
Now Jon realized that this was all wrong. He is still the true heir to his throne! The strongest throne in all the land! He is the one true ruler of these now Fractured Domains. He is worthy of becoming a god. He is: the Supreme Lord Buckethead!
With his proper thrown out of his present reach, Buckethead sought out another means to achieve his proper greatness. Buckethead sauntered off and learned all he could about arcana and the dark arts. He found the mysterious goblin Abbadon who logs the on-goings of the multiverse. Buckethead saw his powers were far deeper than just documentation: Abbadon was creating worlds. Abbadon agreed to be Buckethead's patron: Abbadon was looking for an influence in the Fractured Domains (and had nothing to do with the series of events which lead up to Buckethead's creation).
Now Buckethead walks out into the Fractured Domains to assert his rightful dominance. Little does Abbadon know that after subduing these lands, Buckethead will be back to renegotiate their deal, on his path to becoming a god.
Buckethead's backstory is irratic to stress the character is insane and missing a grasp of reality.
With an intellegence of 6, Buckethead is illiterate. The contract he "signed" with his patron has a crude stick figure with a rectangle for a head as Buckethead's mark. This provides for entertaining encounters as Buckethead is assumed to be the arcana expert by NPCs, but any documents handed over are just paper to Buckthead.
Buckethead is a warlock, with low AC and medium HP. By following the Pact of the Blade, he needs to be in melee range to be effective. This results in Buckethead eating a lot of hits. Early level combat was spent casting False Life every round as every round Buckethead would get hurt. It also results in Buckethead hitting zero HP a lot, typically multiple times during a single encounter.
The first combat where Buckethead collapsed multiple times was against blink dogs in the woods. He now acts irrationally towards all dogs.
2017-07-23: Ardenfal Trial
Town of Ardenfal. Awoken by a small gnome named Tobin. We are trying to join the town guard. Tobin takes us to see the leader Lady Jane. Also meet Dwali: blacksmith, Symort Ford: hunter/butcher. Symort has a job for us. Also in town is a magic shop (top), normal supply shop (middle), bar (bottom).
Head to edge of town for trial to join guard. Directions: Head north along road for a few miles to cave on east side pas broken down wagon. We need to retrieve something from this dungeon (it will be obvious).
Leave from town to road which travels north-south through grasslands. Follow road north and see wagon. Go investigate wagon and get ambushed by bandits!
|Bandit||3||Indimidated and flees|
Gregor is is a bandit who we convince to stay and face trial. Continue north with Gregor to cave. Inside cave find chest as mentoined by Tobin:
|Potion of Healing||2|
Next room battle:
|Clockwork One Eye||2||Dead|
|Clockwork Whirling Box||2||Dead|
|Bandit||3||Indimidated and flees|
Come to room with pedistal and protected switch. Activate pedistal to disarm switch and activate it. Hear some clockwork and a mouse runs out. Follow mouse to discover hidden room with dwarf, humans, dragonborn: they are fellow adventurers.
2017-07-30: Finish Ardenfal Trial
Fight brown bear
|Brown bear mom||1||Dead|
|Brown bear cub||2||Dead|
|Ring of Laugh Track||1||Casts minor illusion (Leogrin takes)|
Come to room with orb on pedistal. Room also has back door with a mechanism to block that path. Tophin comes along and is confused about what happened to his dungeon (bears broke in). Extra path belongs to Lady Jane.
Return to Ardenfal. Tophin is from Dorwine, which is west near the ocean. Introduced to Spirit Orb: This harnesses spirit energy. Bring it back in the future for upgrades. Currently as a bonus action it can cast a spell to make a knollege check on something around you.
Drink heavily. During the night Abbadon comes to Buckethead (vision) and instructs Buckethead to gain group's trust. Next morning we name ourselves Totinos and the Pizza Rolls.
Quest given: Head to Forlaras where a plague is occuring. Forlaras is east of here. Directions: Head south from town, head east at fork, cross river, pass through a forest, then swamp, then arrive at Forlasis.
Quest: Leogrin's Princess is east of here in a town called Baltha, on the edge of a swamp.
Depart town heading south. We are approached by a single man with clicked back hair and super clean shoes (Jim calls him the Devil). His name is Balthazar, and is looking for a group of adventurers for a game of assasination. Presents a contract to Buckethead, upon sigining we will enter the contest, with the top prize being a Wish.
2017-08-04: Travel East Through Forest
Continue south. Find the fork which splits east, southwest, and north (from Ardenfal). Head east. Pass by a cave with some foot traffic, and ignore it. Come to bridge and Buckethead falls in with much drama. Continue on road and enter forest. Road tapers off, and we are attacked by Blinkdogs. Buckethead tanks a lot of damage.
Long rest. In the morning vines have extended from the forest. Buckethead pokes one with quarterstaff and it attacks. We leave and continue through the woods.
Come to a clearing, and get attacked by blinkdog which we kill, along with plants.
Find some magic arrows, magic branch (which is a quarterstaff). Enter a clearing with two leaf clad women (dryads) sitting on logs.
2017-08-13: Town of Baltham
Talk to the Dryads. They speak elvish, and they state there are some fiends in the next clearing and they are threatening the forest. We are tasked with killing them.
Dryads reappear and thank us for the zombie murdering. They then die themselves. We now leave the forest and camp. Inspect items from the forest:
Continue on road. Pass guy named Jimmy the Arsonist. Put him in manacles, and bring him to town.
Arrive at Baltham which is a very small town. Town is buttoned up well. South end has tavern, north has guard post. Empty shops around. Go to guard post and turn in Jimmy. Guard tells us to leave. Head to tavern, it turns out that undead have been attacking and taking children. Probably coming from the town to the east named Valaris (plague town quest).
Leogrin talks to another Forgotten Legion in the bar. His name is Gerey. He says the princess is in hiding and we need to solve the undead problem.
Guard walks in, sees us and runs out. Soon after a group of guards appear and tries to arrest us for the false arrest of Jimmy the Arsonist. Scuffel to corall us into the cells. Spend the night in jail and Gerey bails us out in the morning.
2017-09-15: Travel Through Swamp
Continue east, and hit the swamp. Encounter fish people, who are racist against Drow and we battle. Camp, and in the morning all of the fish people are dead. Find one in the pile of corpses who is kinda alive. Turns out this is a shapeshifter. Carl befrends and starts negotiating, however battle ensues between us and witch + zombies. Leave swamp and contiue to town. Witch mentions she is working with Eedward in town.
On way, camp and wake up and find Magic Starbucks. Olfin runs the starbucks. Magic Wifi password: IHATEMYLIFEANDWHYDIDIMAKETHISSTARBUCKSINTHEFUCKINSWAMP. We discover that we can use the orb to telephone Tophin.
2017-10-15: Forlaras and Meet JungLing
Approach town. Skyline is dominated by towers. Approach gates, and two guards are on towers. First guard gives us a hard time. Eventually second guard looks at Buckethead and decides to murder first guard. His name is JungLing, and tells us to meet us around the wall at the collapsing tower at night.
Behind that guard tower we see a flag flying with two eyes and seven stars (this is the church of Saloon, the godess of the moon). JungLing meets us and brings us in. We head into a back room and are given tunics with the logo of Saloon. Turns out this town expects you to belong to a church and it is wierd if you don't. JungLing explains that children are being lost in the town, and his own son Warren (goes to special school, kinda slow) has also disappeared. Abbadon appeared to JungLing in a dream and commanded him to assist us, and we will find the son.
Vic heads out to search for clues. In the mean time everyone else heads to Churchless Chicken, JungLing picks up the tab. Vic heads to the school which is located in a town to the south: Marion, the school for slow lads. Vic asked some questions on the street, and mentiones JungLing. Later, we see some men with the crests of Istus head to collect JungLing. Istus' seal is a spinning wheel, and is the curch of Eedward. JungLing is escorted to Eedward's tower/church of Istus. We follow and sneak into the second story.
Sneaking around, we murder some guards on the second floor. Then we find one in the bathroom and torture him for information, which is useless. Head farther upstairs and pick lock to third floor. Inside has some bells and a spiral staircase heading upstairs. There is probably something secret, but Buckethead failed some inspection rolls.
At the top we encounter the captain of the guard. We get the jump and quiz him, apparently JungLing is in the basement but to go down you have to go up. We hate riddles so he dies.
2017-11-05: Eedward's Tower and Dungeon
Still in tower. Search room after battle and it is the captain's living quarters. Another spiral staircase is opposite and we head up. At top we see a single bell in the centre of the room. Buckethead enters it and pulls on the ring rope, and opens a trap door in the floor and falls. Everyone falls through and it turns into a slide saftely delivering us to the basement.
In the basement, it is dimly magically lit. Blue fog is a reoccuring theme that will choke us if we breathe it. Head into large room and battle some undead.
|Keotom's ointment||1||Buckethead has, unidentified yet|
Next room has portal to talk with Eedward. He offers to tell us everything if we join his forces, and we say no. He then tries to fill the room with poison gas. Buckethead splits off during conversation.
Doubles back and enters a labratory room. Encounters a female scientist. Blufs her but she leaves and head into next door with fog. Searches labratory and finds some unidentified boots. Only door out is locked.
|Boots of striding and spring||1||Buckethead has, unidentified yet|
Team finishes conversation with Eedward and escapes room filling with gas out the next door. Figure out gas machines and double back to encounter scientist woman. She runs off and Buckethead says we need keys from that woman, so we follow.
Corner woman, who is panicked until she starts acting wierldy (posessed?). We know the next room is dangerous, so we get her keys and double back to lab room to unlock next door. Leave off for the session.
2017-12-03: Eedward Dungeon Crawl
More dungeon crawl! Enter next room and blue fog is everywhere. Ghost and dog battle!
Carl and Buckethead get bit by Death Dogs and become poisoned (-8 max HP for buckethead). Continue on and find prisoners, who we rescue. June Ling is here and he is holding his boy, however we realize the boy is an illusion. Back room has theri things and some magic armour.
|Cursed medium armor||1||Leo equipped. +10AC, and every successful hit against is -1AC. Removal is very painful|
Continue on and find a ladder up, which we send the children and two adults through. It leads into the church under the alter.
Continue on and find JunLing's son in a tank. Turn off tank and unconchious son falls out. Eedward appears and threatens us. Party stalls Eedward as Vic'aste sneaks up and attacks him. Eedward flees and his shadow/vampire? henchghosts attack!
|Eedward||1||flee through northern door|
|Dagger of Venom||1||Vic took it|
XP Fun. Earn 1950 xp. Apply Restroative ointment for curing poison.
2018-01-14: Eedward Confrontation
Chase Eedward into next room. See him fussing with machinery and climb in. Lights flash and Buckethead rushes to the machine and switches it off. Nearby, a vat opens and Darcell, Eedward's son comes out. The boy is confused and hears Eedward's voice in his head. Some negotiations occur and Carl hugs the boy comforting him. He then knife's the boy instantly killing him.
From the doorway JuneLing and Warren were watching. They are a bit shocked at Carl's actions and leave the room. Soon after we follow and upon exiting the church we are greeted by a crowd. Everyone greets us as heroes, as the magic fog of the town has been dispelled. We answer some questions and do not mention the boy killing. After the questions we rest in an inn.
Next day Buckethead and Vic go shopping. After we have breakfast with June and Warren. It is revealed that Warren gained some magic abilities, specifically seeing spirirts. He infuses the magic orb with Vic, so she now has the ability to heal equal to the damage delt from a melee attack once per day.
JuneLing asks us to escort Warren to the Magocracy of Ithlul so he may pursue Arcane training. This kingdom is to the southwest of us in the middle of a desert, and June does not know of any direct roads to Ithlul. The party takes off south. Immediately outside of town Buckethead has some trouble with his boots in the mud, but we are able to rescue them. After a day's travel we rest for the night and are ambushed by lizardfolk!
|Vial of Poison||1||Bag of Holding|
We then butcher the lizardfolk. They turn into 4 rations
2018-02-04: Depart for Ithlul, Skull Battle
Continue south, and the marsh/forest starts to giveway to grassland. We encounter what we assume to be the same river we previously crossed (and Buckethead fell in), albet farther down stream. We see a commotion ahead at a bridge, however we are stopped from appraoching by a magic field. We see Balthazar sitting nearby, and we see that the combat is a part of his death game. One group is the adventurers we previously encountered in Tobin's dungeon, however they lose and are slain.
Balthazar heads out and we rest for the night with the victors. During conversation Buckethead tells Warren to go loot the dead adventurers. They are heading north and tell us that the town of DeStead is about three days south of us, on the way to Ithlul. This group is known as the Jade Ravens. Members include: Tane - male human, Carl, Ofal - male elf, and Harry - male black dwarf.
Uneventful night and we split ways, continuing south. We are now very much in desert territory. We encounter a large blue crystal coming out of the ground, which is pulsating with conjuration magic. Buckethead tries to break a piece off, and nearby the sand melts as imps and flying skulls come forth.
5000 xp awarded. We try to bandage our wounds, but about an hour later the two skulls resurface and we fight again. Killing them nets 2200xp. We leave.
For next time:
- what did Warren loot from those other adventurers?
- what does that crystal do that Buckethead pulled off?
2018-02-18: Town of DeStad
We get about an hour away from the skulls and rest for an hour. Continue walking south and at dusk we encounter a battle!
|Hag Eye||1||Bag of Holding|
5500 xp awarded. Continue south and find town, with a large tree to the west. Town is odd as there is no visible garrason. Detect magic spell notices something magic is following us.
Chat with a tiefling named Bob Leeno. He is the mayor of the town, which is DeStad. Everyone is chewing on the leaves of the great tree as a source of hydration. This town is a safe haven for outcasts, mostly from Ithul.
Head to tree, which is 10-15ft in diameter. Bob tastes a leaf and spits it out, as it tastes odd. Detect magic spell reveals that healthy leaves are enchanted but the bad tasting leaves are transmutivie magic. Bob asks for assistance investigating these leaves, and we follow him to his large home, and into his basement labratory.
Leogrin splits off and heads to the tavern to warn everyone not to eat the leaves.
In the lab, we discover the transmutive magic is the same as the blue crystal. Bob deduces there are three other crystals, and gives us the mission of destroying them. This will help the tree, and stop the skulls. He also plans to construct something for us from the crystal shards when we return.
Bob identifies the Hag's Eye we picked up from the dead hag in the desert. It allows hags of a coven to see/communicate with eachother over distances. We destory the eye and hear a scream from outside. We see the Hag in the street writhing in pain. We attack and knock her unconcious. We take her to Bob's basement for interrigation.
Don't forget: destroy second Hag's Eye
2018-03-11: Shia's Encampment
Take hag into Bob's basement. Tie her up and start questioning, and it quickly is revealed that she is working for someone who hates Drow. We fake Vic's death and ask to join the drow slaying army.
We learn the hag's name is Betty. She serves a man named Shia. Enter camp which is well defended with humans zombies, hags, crabpeople. Enter Shia's tent and present Vic, who Shia immediately recognises. During bullshitting about how awesome we are, Carl kills Betty and we are in combat! Combat happens in waves as reinforcements arrive.
|Hag||2||Betty and other hag|
|Archer||6||5 Dead, 1 recruited|
|Wand of Warmage +1||1||Leogrin|
After Shia's death, Buckethead argues that he now is the rightful leader of the army, and recruits a hag (unknown name) and archer (Rainey) who assist us. We run through the rear of the tent and escape. We are out of the camp but end the session relatively quickly. 25000XP awarded.
2018-03-18: Buckethead's Army Fitting Into Abbadon's Plans
Buckethead and friends run away and after a few hours Buckethead collapses and has a vision from Abbadon. He states a war is coming and Buckethead's army will assist. Buckethead will be a leutentand and needs to introduce Carl to Abbadon. Buckethead also needs to raise an army. Abbadon will provide Buckethead with a keep in the desert to send the army towards.
META: the two new recruits already went to this keep. The orb now acts as a pokeball and will convert monsters to Buckethead's army. They need to be damaged first. Each badguy conversion takes 5 orb points
Buckethead comes to and we decide to camp for the night. Vic wants to remove Shia's hands and debates how to remove them, then just rips them off. We sleep for the night. During his watch Buckethead finds some shrooms and gives them to Carl.
Carl eats the shrooms and talks with Abbadon. He is now Warlock. During his watch some imps attack.
|Yellow skinned humanoids||2||Dead|
Buckethead is able to capture one of the Imps, and the command word for capturing baddies is "Go Fuck Yourself". However, the imp asks for a command from Buckethead who says to go fuck yourself. The Imp then self inflicts some wounds and is on death's door and Leogrin finishes off this imp. Abbadon talks to Carl and Buckethead together and is dissipointed with no recruit.
2018-04-08 Wandering in the desert
We are wandering through the desert and Buckethead gets us lost. Eventually we find the scene of a battle, with ash on the ground, gears, and tails. The tails look amphibian, most likely similar to the tadpoles originally seen in dungeon 1. We call Tobin which is not very effective. He tells us the monsters that produce gears on death are called Modrons, and we insight that he is most likely covering up something.
More lost wandering in the desert, and we realize we are back by Destad. Stop in the town and realize people are having difficulty without the tree. Bob marks where they think the crystals are on the map.
Next day try to head towards crystal on the way to Ardenfal. More successful wandering, but still get lost. We do stumble across a corpse of a dwarf. Vic recognises him as Umed the Gambler, but does not remeber any backstory. We find a scroll of Protection from Fiends, and a coin in a hidden pouch.
|Scroll of Protection from Fiends||1||Vic|
|Coin of Fate||1||Vic|
2018-04-15 More wandering in the desert
I lost my notes, so a brief summary:
Continued wandering through the desert. We encounter a damaged cart which Kobolds are looting. Carl has a conversation and we negotiate a trade for an axe they had found. Continue wandering and end up back at the Kobolds. We ask them to guide us to the crystal nearby we are looking for. They agree as long as they get the shiny.
Arrive at the crystal late at night (~3 AM). Decide to attack as we don't trust the kobolds. There are two women at the crystal who are revealed to be limuras, and three skulls pop up. We battle, and immediately after the kobolds return. Negotiations break down and we fight 3 regular kobolds, 2 mummy kobolds, and 1 leader. Dicy battle but we barely survive thanks to converting the limuras to BH's army.
2018-04-29 Return to Ardenfal
Continue wandering through the desert. Encounter a cat named Ninki, and Carl can chat with it. He asks the cat to take us to Ardenfal. We are greeted as heroes. The next day Buckethead and Leo eats some shrooms with Tobin. We discuss random stuff, and reveal that Tobin does not trust Lady Jane. He reveals his god Primus is the one guiding the town to unite the other towns in these fractured domains.